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1 Votes - 5 Average   The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-Kulmbizharr
Author MessageThe Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-Kulmbizharr
Admiral
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Post: #1
The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAdmiral 02-05-2016

Written by: Admiral
Illustrated by: Forgefire


The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-Kulmbizharr


Once upon a time, there was a hatter who was absent of mind and scattered his tools around him and did not keep his hatmaking workshop orderly and tidy as he should have done. Indeed, he sometimes even forgot to offer up due adulation, prayer and sacrifice to His mighty idols during work at the appropriate times ordained by his craft.

One day, the hatter busied himself at the anvil by hammering out a tall hat for a customer of considerable wealth and standing, who was from another clan. The hatter was assisted in his labour by apprentice and slaves, yet he had carelessly forgotten to chain the slaves. Thus it was that one tiny Goblin thrall took the opportunity to attempt escape, for the mite stole a knife for a weapon and climbed into the finished hat and hid himself within its depths. The absentminded hatter missed to count his slaves that day, and never realized the Goblin had disappeared.

When the important customer arrived to procure his order, he was showered with flatter and assurances of the fine quality of the headgear. Yet when the customer took the hat from the workdesk, he found it weighed a great deal and remarked as such.

"Gold is heavy, but the high stature of this shining hat will hardly burden a good man of your dignity," said the absentminded hatter.

Yet when the customer raised the hat to put it upon his head, he found it top-heavy and remarked as such.

"As befits your might and ambitions, for would we not all tower as high if we could? This sturdy chin strap will keep your crowning glory secured," said the absentminded hatter.

Yet when the customer lowered the hat onto his head and strapped it fast, the sly Goblin inside panicked and stabbed him dead in a frenzy. Soon enough, the wronged clansmen of the killed customer exacted cruel revenge upon the absentminded hatter and threw him off the high ziggurat walls. For such is fate of the careless.

- The Absentminded Hatter, by Daemonsmith Uhr-Kulmbizharr the Blind, the renowned Chaos Dwarf author of fable stories during the foundation of Zharr-Naggrund*

____________________________________________
* The moral of the story may also be read as "always look into your hat before wearing it."


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This post was last modified: 02-18-2016 05:57 AM by Admiral.

02-05-2016 02:49 AM
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Abecedar
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAbecedar 02-05-2016

Mein Got! Just how big is the hat?   Or is it just the tiniest goblin ever?


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02-05-2016 07:48 AM
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Admiral
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAdmiral 02-05-2016

A big hat of course, and a small Goblin. Updated the text slightly.


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And thus there was Chaos. And Squats. Hobby Group Auxillia Work. On Dark Tides. Miscellaneous Commercial Sculpts. Flayman Tutorial.
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02-05-2016 12:45 PM
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Post: #4
RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrFuggit Khan 02-05-2016

Admiral Wrote:
A big hat of course

Of course, naturally Takes Hat off
...a great story Admiral. I always enjoy the "lurking goblin slave" joke (as can be seen in a few of my models). An enjoyable laugh and appropriate fate Cheers!


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02-05-2016 01:14 PM
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Admiral
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAdmiral 02-05-2016

Haha thanks! I thought a bit about that Goblin in the rocket's exhaust port when writing it. Cheers!


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And thus there was Chaos. And Squats. Hobby Group Auxillia Work. On Dark Tides. Miscellaneous Commercial Sculpts. Flayman Tutorial.
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This post was last modified: 02-05-2016 03:52 PM by Admiral.

02-05-2016 03:52 PM
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Post: #6
RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrForgefire 02-05-2016

Haha cool short story. Might draw a small picture for it Wink

02-05-2016 05:13 PM
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Admiral
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAdmiral 02-05-2016

Thanks, that would be great! Happy


News on CDO: Golden Hat XXX - Voting Deadline 18th of July ...  Admiralty Miniatures Blogshop

And thus there was Chaos. And Squats. Hobby Group Auxillia Work. On Dark Tides. Miscellaneous Commercial Sculpts. Flayman Tutorial.
Chaos Dwarf Writings: Fables. Songs. Sayings. Quotes. Monumental Inscriptions. Religious Texts.
There's fourteen ways to skin a dwarf. Path to Glory: Chaos Dwarf Warband Rules.

This post was last modified: 02-05-2016 06:59 PM by Admiral.

02-05-2016 06:44 PM
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Roark
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrRoark 02-05-2016

Hat-lurking goblins and defenestration. These are important elements of any good story.


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02-05-2016 07:54 PM
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Admiral
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrAdmiral 02-18-2016

Forgefire has expertly illustrated the fable with a drawing of a Goblin in blackness. Atmospheric and dark. Great stuff!


News on CDO: Golden Hat XXX - Voting Deadline 18th of July ...  Admiralty Miniatures Blogshop

And thus there was Chaos. And Squats. Hobby Group Auxillia Work. On Dark Tides. Miscellaneous Commercial Sculpts. Flayman Tutorial.
Chaos Dwarf Writings: Fables. Songs. Sayings. Quotes. Monumental Inscriptions. Religious Texts.
There's fourteen ways to skin a dwarf. Path to Glory: Chaos Dwarf Warband Rules.
02-18-2016 05:58 AM
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Jackswift
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RE: The Absentminded Hatter, by Uhr-KulmbizharrJackswift 02-18-2016

A great fable, and a very thematic illustration.  Well done!

02-18-2016 12:35 PM
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